I prayed for peace. I didn’t know for you to know how peace felt, you need to know what it means to be in a storm.
2019 is the year. The year that broke me and I am picking up the pieces. For me, 2019 was a year I was done with by half year. I turned 25 years in February and immediately things started to crumble. I was depressed and considered suicide a few times. I tried to figure out what was wrong, but I could not point it to one thing. It just felt like my life was not where it should, and I could be more.
At some point, work felt like the sanest place and I kept spending more and more time in there until one day it came crumbling down like all of Rick and Morty’s adventure. I had a client call me an amateur to my CEO. I had a client call me an asshole and I think even a bastard for making some suggestions to his design work. He later came back and asked for my suggestion to be implemented. Sometimes around April, I made a stupid financial decision that rendered me nearly broke every month. As you can see, I was done by July. Work was bad, my life felt like there was no direction and I was poor. What is there to live for? I stopped talking to my friends as much as I used to, and I was mostly indoors.
I remember vividly working late one-night trying to sort out a client, sorted him out and I was so happy that at least this guy will free me the next morning. Got home just tired and drained, then I saw this email from this guy lamenting about my work and how bad it was. This was the last straw. Entered the house crying and took some pills, wrote a note for my family and friends and was ready to go. The way God wanted it, I slept off and woke up a lot better. Tore the note and continued life. This is just one story. 2019 broke me.
I found God in my own way or let me say God found me. I was not going to church for a while, was not praying and was not doing anything. God used people to find me. I realized I was a work in progress, and I needed God to pull through for me. I pursued him and in all the brokenness, with God, I was complete. I knew I was in the right hands and I was going to be fine. Things were not going great still, but I was fine. This is my most profound moment in 2019.
God found clarity. In picking up the broken pieces of my life and putting them together. I began to get clarity for what I wanted and what I didn’t want. I am making some decisions in 2020 based on this and I am so pumped for it. I can express what I want from life and go-ahead to fight for it till I get it. I am not sure if I might have been able to get this without this year.
Finally, I found peace, I prayed for it and found it.
Always, remember The biggest storm make for the best stories.